That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
