How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
