I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize
