so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
she looked like the before picture.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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