when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize