You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Randomize
