ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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