dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
