The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
