i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
