do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
