their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
