cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
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