the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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