hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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