there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
