apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
