I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
