dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
