Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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