watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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