I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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