Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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