theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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