Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
