im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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