I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
He is such a slut. More and more my type.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
