I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
