Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
