dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
