I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
