So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
