You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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