I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Randomize
