i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Randomize
