So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Randomize
