Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
