I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
