umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
