she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize