The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
