I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
