New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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