His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
