butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Too much gin, very little bucket
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
