Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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