ya dads aren't the best wingmen
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just invented taco cereal.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
