I showed him my bush... on skype.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
ok first of all what the fuck
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize