Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
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