you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
