He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
