I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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