i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
