who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize