So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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