Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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