This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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