im so drunk with asians
where?
always
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
