Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize