she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
you are never too drunk for berry picking
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
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