So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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