I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
