I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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