I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
