I hate your face
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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