I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Randomize
