ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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