the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
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