dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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