So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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