she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
