she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
