I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
