im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
