So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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