You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
