good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
