I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
