I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
