im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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