It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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