I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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