I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
