i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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