You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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