I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
