I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
