I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
