my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize