So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
