Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
