my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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