if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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