when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Randomize
