dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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