I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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