why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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