dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
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