I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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