she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
