sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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