That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize