Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Randomize
