There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
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