Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
