If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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