I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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