did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
