I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
