i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
