Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
She's the barista slut.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
false alarm, still single
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
