Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
