you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
So gin and wine won't be happening again
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
