why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
