I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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