best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
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