He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
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