He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Do you remember whose house we're in?
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
