I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
