As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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