Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
