You're a womanizer and a bitch.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
