On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
