So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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